Daily updates - Goodbye, Ganapathy

 I noticed that God/Amma/Devi has been really trying to detach me from the idol-concept of her for a while. It started a few days before a close friend's housewarming party, and from thereon it has been a lesson: Detachment. 

Finally, today, the reason manifested: Restrictions. I was restricting the way she could show up in my life.

I usually use my intuition to detail the decisions for me, but past few days has been chaotic in that sense, as i felt like a twig in a whirwind not knowing which way is up. 

Whenever i pray, I often cry out in pain - yearning to see her divine form as she has appeared for beings before me. I'd tell myself that she can't appear because, like Krishna says in the Gita, her energy is like a thousand blazing suns. But, the yearning was still there. 

I spoke to my ammukutty (my mom) today. As she enquried why I cry when I pray, I told her. Part of me thought she'd see it as a sign of how devoted I am to this path - such an egoic thought process, no? (i'm not shaming myself that it was there, merely shedding light). She proceeded to do the exact opposite: HAND. MY. ASS. TO. ME. :3 

She proceeded to tell me this continued yearning to see Devi and searching for her is too much! These are the lessons I derived from that 40 minute phone call: 

    By placing a restriction on how God can turn up in my life, I place restrictions on him. This causes my pain, and illusionment. She said, and this is the most synchronous because of how much yours truly preaches about this, God is merely positive energy. This was synchronous for me because at this stage of my spirital path I truly have stopped thinking of a single point of concentration where "god" exists, and think that the energy is everywhere and everything; I feel detached from churches and temples & the idols. So she saying that really struck me. She pointed out that looking at my life right now there wa a lot of psoitive energy, and she was right! Truth was, she said God is all around you & you dont see it because you're focused on your perceived idea of it. At this point of the conversation, your talkative Bambi became quiet docile. But I was so excited! This was divine intervention! This is exactly what I needed to hear! They say the truth is liberating - fuck yes it is! 

So I put aside all the pictures of the Gods, just the lingum of Shiva & a peacock feather representing Krishna remains. 

I also realised another very important lesson - Test to see the path forward is to ask, "Where is the positive energy". Ascension coaches Jeff & Shalia talk about choosing your life path by choosing the things that make you happy. I kept wondering, "how is that possible? Do I have that luxury?" Now I realise the deeper truth of what they mean: God is love, joy & peace. Where those qualities are, He is. 

Shalom. Oh hit, just realised 'shalom' has the word 'om.' Hm. So cool!

I dont know if Linda Goodman is my past life or a god wink, "I am God" - haha! We'll see. 

I feel good. I am focusing on me, sending love to my Twin & heading to bed. 

Thank you, life! Miracles will happen in my situation today! I send peace, mercy & magic to tomorrow!